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Have you noticed that this year we
have a spate of books on happiness?
From Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar to The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to
Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubominsky, there is an interesting
trend to studying and somehow quantifying happiness. Is it like one of
those pain charts in the hospital? When asked how happy we are, we will
be able to point to the appropriate happy face representation on the
happiness scale.
Marci Shimoff and Carol Kline have even boiled happiness down to 7 easy
steps (Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out).
And why? Why is our pursuit of happiness (our Constitutionally given
right as Americans) now taking a scientific turn? Is the hope to develop
an easy answer? A happy pill? I wonder if we were truly happy, would we
need to go search for ways to achieve happiness? Is it only the happy
who get happier (like the rich get richer)? Then why aren’t we happy?
Daniel Gilbert, NPR correspondent, has written a book called The
Geography of Bliss in which he travels to places around the world known
to be the most and least happy. His findings are interesting. The
extremely wealthy inhabitants of Qatar are unhappy but the impoverished
Bhutanese are very happy. So maybe money makes you sad.
Gilbert interviewed an Icelander (happy place) about his belief in elves
and the man replies, “I don’t know if I believe in them, but other
people do and my life is richer for it.” So maybe being surrounded by
elf-acolytes makes you happy.
Now before you turn off your computer, give away all your money and
start searching your garden for elves, let’s think about what it may
really take to be happy.
I think (in my non-scientific opinion) that people are happy when they
are happy with what they have. I think people are happy when they
believe in something bigger then themselves—when they are not the center
of their own universe, when others are not looked at solely for
comparison purposes, when satisfaction is achieved by competing with
oneself and not by besting our neighbors.
Nothing ground-breaking there, but it is much easier said than done. So,
aside from moving to Iceland or Bhutan, what are we to do? How do we
find our own “happy place?”
Caryn Fitzgerald, mother of six-year old Sami, thinks her daughter has
the key. Together, Caryn and Sami have written Fish Sticks, Books and
Blue Jeans. It’s a gratitude workbook. Sami’s parents are network
marketing professionals and they attend many motivational seminars and
bring their daughter along. It was at these seminars that Sami was
introduced to various motivational materials and one day asked her
mother for a gratitude workbook appropriate for a child. When they
couldn’t find one, Sami decided to write her own, after all, Sami said
“Mr. Mark (referring to Mark Victor Hansen of the “Chicken Soup for the
Soul” series) said ‘you can make it yourself’ so that’s what I’m going
to do.”
Sami’s mom told me that what started as just a project for Sami, soon
became much larger than either expected. Friends who were tired of
hearing “Mommy buy me” started asking, “Please, can we have a copy?”
One thing led to another and now Fish Sticks, Books and Blue Jeans is
available on Amazon.com. Sami does radio and television interviews and
is currently on a book tour. Caryn shared what it’s like to watch Sami
read from her book to a group of students and encouraging the kids to
answer the questions—it quickly morphs into a lovely peer group. Sami
does have one minor complaint. Sometimes her hand gets tired from
signing so many autographs!
I’ll admit, I was a little leery when Caryn first contacted me. I’m not
one for this type of book. You’ll find no copy of The Secret (book or
dvd) at my house. “Put positive energy out into the universe” messages
merely make me roll my eyes. But this was a little girl (and her mom is
an MJM Yenta!) …so I set aside my snarkiness and looked at the book with
an open heart.
I think there’s something to it. We could all benefit from focusing a
little less on what we don’t have and a little more on what we do. And
Sami’s book helps children focus daily on the good and happy already in
their lives with affirmations like “Food nourishes my body. I deserve to
give my body and mind nutritious food everyday.” And “Laughter makes me
feel good. Some of the people or things that make me laugh are: (fill in
the blank).” It’s truly a lovely idea beautifully executed. I recommend
it for children (and their parents!)
It seems it took a 6-year old to uncover the secret to happiness—it’s
not about elves or wealth, it’s about looking at the world in a positive
way. As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “We are disturbed not by
events, but by the views that we take of them.”
To learn more about Sami and Caryn go to http://www.samifitzgerald.com
_________________
Meredith Jacobs is author of The Modern Jewish Mom's Guide to Shabbat
(HarperCollins) and co-founder and editor of
http://www.modernjewishmom.com.
Written 2/07/2008
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